I know it's been a while that I've updated this journal or my dA but I figured that this would be a way to kind of...get some things off my chest but not in a terrible way.

I just found out that someone important in my life...and all of my church friend's lives had passed away. He passed comfortably, they say, cause he was prepared. It's not hard to believe because for a long time, he had to wheel around an oxygen tank and regularly go to the hospital.

I'll miss him. All of the things he used to do. He used to forget all of our names and in good humor would replace it with the nickname "Smiley". He would tug on the pigtails and ponytails of the girls and tease them as we pretend fought back. He guided us and answered so many of our questions when we really needed guidance and he always reminded us of how special it is to be not only Catholic but a Korean. He used to have these little cards ready for any of us that told us when different religions began. He showed us that understanding and kindness was something we should show to everyone and anyone in our lives...even to those we don't like.

When I received the email that gave us this bad news, I was shocked and didn't know what to say or how to feel. I just kind of sat there and forgot about it and went back to sleep. When I woke up and reread the email, I started tearing up at the last lines.

"Thank you so much for your help and please pray for his loving soul and that he's not getting himself in too much trouble at St. Peter's gates..."

I giggled at the thought because I could imagine him playing pranks to everyone around him...even in Heaven. The more I think about it, the more I feel like I've lost something in my life. Having to use all of these past tenses makes me want to not say anything and...force myself into denial. I haven't seen him in several weeks so it feels like it would be easy to just pretend that he's back somewhere upstate and having fun. Now I feel like one of the life lines I held in my hand, that rope that I knew I could wind around my hand tightly and pull myself out of despair went slack.

There are so many things I haven't mentioned because there are so many memories that are ingrained into my mind and I'll always remember him. Here's to you Brother Thomas! I love you and I miss you! Say hi to everyone for me and save me a spot! :] <3

Love, with all my heart! -Smiley.